I know there are bigger losses than this one
I know people die
I know there are people out there who starve and have no shelter no homes
but every loss is a loss. and the one who suffers, knows what has gone..
And i perfectly know everything happens as Allah wants it to happen. Nothing can happen without His will and approval. and He knows the best reasons behind everything which happens. the reasons which we can not see but they are there.
Nothing in the world is permanent ,everything ,as mentioned in Allah’s Book, has to face an end..
Every Soul Has to Taste Death- (The Holy Quran)
but has anyone ever wondered, even if we know this reality and we accept it, then why do we feel our loss so much when we lose any dear or near one? there is one answer to that. Love. we love them so much that when we realize and understand that we will not be seeing them again in this lifetime, it hurts very badly..specially those who were special to us not only because we cared for them, but they cared back..
Fillie was one of the Best gifts Allah had given to me and im very thankful to Him for that. She was one of my Most Prized Possessions.. one of the most precious things.. apparently she did not have a nice color in the opinion of many people , many others say that she was not even of a good breed- she was just a domestic cat. but for me, she was more important than all the other Siamese or Persian or other well bred cats. because she was not just a cat. she was my Best Friend. Literally.
I remember the very first day when Fillie came to my house. May 15th, 2002. she was very small and was brought to my house by her mother who was surprisingly white but had two kittens, one black and the other of mixed colors of dark brown, light brown, white and gray, with mostly dark brown and black prominent…
I gradually befriended the kittens.specially the one with the mixed color. she started sitting in my lap and playing with me and purring .. their mother left them after a few months. then after a few days, the black kitten left the house. this left the mixed colored one alone. I still remember that night, i had an O level Physics C1 first term exam and she was mewing so much outside the door because she was lonely and scared..i sat near the door on the floor all night long with my book and kept mewing back to her 🙂 and in the morning when i opened the door and sat on the table in the backyard, she stepped in my lap and there were her paw prints all over my book 🙂 awwww
i named her Fillie …
then i remember the time when she got so badly sick… i cried so much then.. i thought she would die.but she got better..
i remember when i used to go to the kitchen late night, mom would scold me so much for waking up Fillie.. she would recognize my voice and then she would never stop mewing. she always insisted on being picked up on the shoulder and being taken for a walk 🙂
the times when i would wake up at night, slowly go to the kitchen to take something out of the fridge for myself and Fillie would wake up and how she would sit in the kitchen window.. and then I would manage to pass something to her through the window hole.. how cutely she would grab it. everything is so fresh in my mind it seems just a minute ago. every time i used to go outside for a walk through the backyard door, Fillie would chase me all along the way to the porch and would sit on my way and block my walk on the drive way and would insist on being picked up 🙂 one more cute thing was the way she would sit in the porch entrance door and would not let me go in..she insisted on going in and would lift her front paws and used to try opening the door handle with them . Awwww
i remember i used to bring her inside my room secretly in winter nights when the geaser would not work. she would love to sleep in my blanket , and then she would wrap herself around my neck and sleep. hahaha this memory always makes me laugh 🙂 whoever i used to tell about this, would say that some day she will kill me with her nails and will cut my neck. but she never did because she was Fillie 🙂
i have had a few people saying to me that why dont i keep a new cat and name her Fillie? the answer to that is, she was just One. just like we can not replace people, i can not replace her 🙂 i remember how i would always go to her after every sort of trouble, after a lot of crying, after getting a scolding from mom, after doing bad in any exam, or anything. and i would just say to her ‘aao fillie khailain’.. and she would be there for me. she was always there for me .the only time she did not was when she had to leave..
she got rabbies and i didnt even realize.. i found out when it was too late 😥 i found out when she had just a few weeks to live.. she never bit me out of her rabies ..she never EVER did .although we know rabies effected animal always bites..she NEVER gave me any harm because she was MY Fillie .. 🙂 😥
I remember she would always meow whenever I called her by her name . she recognized it :)even on the day she died, her body was getting hard, death was coming into her being, her eyes were not fully open ,she had thrown her neck at a side.. I dearly picked her up on my shoulder for one last time and called out her name with a teary voice ,’Fillie’ ..and there she mewed BACK 😥
Fillie i miss u very very much 😥
i remember how she used to get so angry at me for not giving her attention and how cute was her way of showing her anger..she would sit a little away from me and look at the other side… how i used to scare her as a joke ,how i used to run after her , i would run towards her very quickly and she would sit in the way, with ears lowered and thinking i might not see her ! and then the times when i would scold her with one hand raised like a slap, she would silently sit near and lower her head . i miss all that 😥 i miss and i dearly love how i had the best communication with that little thing without any spoken language existing .. this is the reason she is not replaceable .. she is just Fillie ..
there are so many cute pictures of her and every time i watch them , i miss her very much ..
an angry fillie, a sleepy fillie, a pregnant fillie, an annoyed fillie, a naughty fillie, an eating fillie, an attitude wali fillie, a fillie taking a nap with her kittens, a hungry fillie, a suspicious fillie, a sleepy fillie, a worried fillie, a cute filliene fillie in a filliene mood..and what not..:) 😥
its been one year now but i still feel like i saw her for the last time yesterday ..
for a few people, it is just funny.. they say that i am crying over a cat and that is immature, they tell me to ‘grow up’.. to them i would just say.. she never judged me .even if i had my clothes dirty, my hair all messed up, my grades falling, she was just there.she did not care was i rich or not, did i look pretty or not, did i top my exam or did i just fail it..she did not judge me for anything. she was just there for me whenever Ineeded. most of all, she never hurt me .so her being is very important to me. just like a real person.she was my BEST friend.
there is so much more to say but i would never stop then..
miss u a lot Fillie 🙂 the wet footsteps on the drive way have disappeared from the scene apparently but to me,they are there forever 🙂